Wednesday, May 12, 2010; Y
Hullo, friends [: I'm still alive... really. Hahaha. I'm a life. She's a man, duh! HAHAHA. Colleague Amanda has a nice name, though not nice enough for me to consider naming my daughters that, it's nice :D hahaha.
I'm kind of... sians. Dang, I hate it when I feel sians, sinful. Sighs. I pray for more self-confidence and every other superhuman abilities there is to achieve.
Okay. Die. I'm really very bored. And faced with the weekend of things to do that I really don't... know if my mind will survive through... I wonder about stuff that I seem to be missing out on, and I don't know how to feel. Okay, I know how I feel. I feel terrible up till the moment I forget about it for a while, before remembering the dilemma again. I think I need more support in my life, but it appears weak and lousy to still require guidance at this stage in life.
I feel like a child still, so immature. Don't I need to grow up quickly? How to? Such insecurity. I thought I found something to latch onto. But as is the case with all things in my life, the intangible distance keeps wanting to lengthen itself. Only, I won't let it happen this time. Not if I can help it; not if my prayers are answered. The old me has to die a thorough death, or it will kill the transformation.
I don't know how the blog post drifted to such a dire note. It just happened. Oh well, outburst. Anyways, I wanted to cut and dye my hair today. But couldn't reach my mum through the phone (turns out she went out without her mobile) so the idea got postponed. Much to my gigantic dismay. Because I recently changed the side parting of my fringe, the previously layered fringe (which was nice before it grew so monstrously long one month ago) has rebelled and here I am, exposing my ugly hair to the cruel judgment of the common Earthlings. My desire for a haircut is therefore much justified.
As for the colour job. Weeeellllllll. I need something to distract me from my horrifying face more often when I look into the mirror these days. My face, and especially the area under the eyes, has been easily swollen recently. It's a sight to behold, in addition to my swollen (with fats) body.
I'm tired of crapping already. Lets do some lists instead!
Off the top of my head:
Things that I would very much regret if I were to die in the next 30 seconds...
1] Wearing black hair for the whole of my less-than-19 years of life (though this can be fixed by the undertaker or whoever if my parents were hip enough to let them).
2] Not having fallen in love and lived an eventful life like SEP's books'/Taiwanese/Korean dramas'/Hollywood romcom movies' heroines.
3] Not having gone to the university (NBS D: ).
4] Not having led a holier life.
5] Not having succeeded in slimming down and looking pretty.
6] Not having had a career and owning my own business (cafe or some little shop)
Can't think of more in the past five seconds.
Things that I really want to possess at the moment...
7] Skullcandy headphone
8] Back To The Basics album
9] Ip Man dvds
10] collection of all the 20 odd books SEP has ever written
11] iPad/iTouch
12] that Ralph Lauren bag/Akris Ai bag
13] pretty AND comfy pairs of wedges/heels
14] colourful clothes
15] un-dreary work clothes eg freaking pants, pencil skirts
16] Faith by Phil Pringle
17] a driving licence
18] oh, and a sports car in yellow please
19] zomg I can't believe I only just thought of this - GBP 1 billion hahaha
Things that I want to learn...
20] oh yeah, driving
21] Korean, French, Japanese, Spanish... you get the idea
22] how to dance
23] how to master acoustic guitar chords
24] how to play the electric guitar
25] how to set up a business... and run it to success
26] to adopt a British accent and more English vocabulary and better grammar (for example, I've just committed many grammar errors)
Places I want to go to...
27] Hokkaido, Japan
28] London, England
29] Chicago, Las Vegas, Los Angeles, California, United States
30] Seoul, South Korea
31] Heaven
People I want to murder in cold blood...
Just kidding.
Lazy to colour code!
And if you're thinking I made some of the lists because a certain 23rd is coming up... YOU THINK WRONG! [:
fall for someone who catches you @20:23
