Monday, November 30, 2009; Y
Today, it was...
Happy-worthy things:
1. Done with A levels
2. Got my haircut
3. NYNY dinner with mum was nice
4. Fell in love with Hongki
The last one was actually something from a few days before, while I was watching YB and the post-YB period when I researched on all the main cast. I didn't want to end the list at just three. And Hongki's voice made me so depressed... in a good way I think. Since it means that his voice is so good I just keep crying. I didn't like his voice initially, from the theme song that he sang for YB (though it's a good song). But his band's previous songs like Love Sick, After Love and Don't Love are just so so good, they're hard to ignore.
It was so good, the lyrics so sad, that I went to manually pieced together the Hangul, romanisation, and translation of the lyrics line by line for easier reference. I love his voice. It makes you want to comfort him for all his sorrow. And he was only 18 when he sang the song a year ago.
I don't know the rest, but Hongki's 4th from left.
COLORFUL SENSIBILITY.
사랑하지마요 (Don't Love)
F.T. Island
가야죠 서둘러 가야죠
kayajyo sodullo kayajyo
I have to leave, I have to hurry and leave
미련이 눈물이 될테니
miryoni nunmuri dwel-teni’
Affection will turn into tears
남겨진 그대 보지 못하게
namgyojin keudae boji mothage
So that I can’t see the one I left behind
좀 더 서둘러 가야죠
chom do sodullo kayajyo
I have to hurry a bit more and leave
우네요 떠나는 사랑이
uneyo ttona-neun sarangi
She is crying, the love that I leave
차오른 슬픔이 쏟아져
cha-oreun seulpeumi ssodajyo
The overwhelming sadness is flowing
한걸음 조차 걷기도 힘들어
hangoreum jo-cha kod-kido himdeuro
It is so difficult to take a step
돌아선 채
dorason chae
With her back to me
울고만 서 있네요
ulgoman so inneyo
She stands, crying
사랑은 하지 마요
sarangeun haji mayo
Don’t ever love
이별이 꼭 온대요
ibyori kkok ondaeyo
Heartbreak will surely come
숨 쉴 수도 없이 아파요
sum shwil sudo obshi apayo
It hurts to even breathe
사랑만큼 아프면 되는 줄만
sarangmankeum apeumyon twi-neun chulman
I thought that this would only hurt
잊는 줄만 알았던 거죠
in-neun chulman arat-don gojyo
as much as I loved
아니죠 수천배는 더 아파요
anijyo su-chonbae-neun do apayo
But I was wrong. It hurts a thousand times more
겁나요 눈뜨고 사는게
gobnayo nuntteugo sa-neun-ge
I’m afraid of living with my eyes open
찾아도 보지 못할테니
chajado boji mothal-teni
Because I know I won’t see you even if I look for you
차라리 그댈 그리워하다가
charari keudael keuriwohadaga
It seems better to fall asleep exhausted
지쳐 잠든 채로 사는게 낫죠
jichyo chamdeun chaero sa-neun-ge nat-jyo
After longing for you
사랑은 하지 마요
sarangeun haji mayo
Don’t ever love
이별이 꼭 온대요
ibyori kkok ondaeyo
Heartbreak will surely come
숨 쉴 수도 없이 아파요
sum shwil sudo obshi apayo
It hurts to even breathe
사랑만큼 아프면 되는 줄만
sarangmankeum apeumyon twi-neun chulman
I thought that this would only hurt
잊는 줄만 알았던 거죠
in-neun chulman arat-don gojyo
as much as I loved
아니죠 수천배는 더 아파요
anijyo su-chonbae-neun do apayo
But I was wrong. It hurts a thousand times more
다시 다시요 안돼 안돼요
tashi dashiyo andwae andwaeyo
Just once, one more time, can’t we try it? Can’t we?
바보처럼 혼자 말해요
pabo-chorom honja mar-hae-yo
I cry out like an idiot to myself
사랑은 하지 마요 죽을만큼
sarangeun haji mayo chu-geul-mankeum apayo
Don’t ever love, it hurts enough to die
아파요 매일 눈물도 난다구요
mae-il nunmuldo nan-taguyo
You will cry every day
다른 사랑 온다면 쉬울꺼라
tareun sarang ondamyon shwiul-kkora
I told myself that when love comes again
잊을꺼라 말했었는데
ijeul-kkora marhaesson-neunde
that it would be easier and that it would last
아니죠 내 사랑은 안 되네요
anijyo nae sarangeun an dwineyo
But I was wrong. Not for my love
나는요
na-neunyo
Not for me
Of course I'm not going through a break up. It's much worse. I'm so ashamed of myself. I just re-read the smses from some time ago... I feel ashamed, and I've opened my eyes to how friends work. I didn't know before. And I also realised how I've been perceived by my now exfriends. That I don't think for others enough, and that I don't give way to them enough. That I show my real emotions too frequently, too obviously. I've been too insistent on my own stupid ways and I deserve to be exiled for being so antisocial. That's part of what's been going through my mind the whole day, ever since I got onto 174. The whole day my mind didn't rest. My head hurts from concentrating on my thoughts, because I don't want to think about things that make me feel so, so bad too. But the illogical part had to explore, it had to, to find out what's so wrong about me. I guess I found loads. Actually, I kind of despised myself for leading me into this mess. What am I doing? What have I done? I don't know. Why do they say that I'm emo? That I look antisocial, and withdrawn? Do you know why? I don't think I chose to, so why have I been like that?
I told myself that today, I mourn for the loss of their love and companionship. Tomorrow onwards, I shall reconcile with my love for myself. I know it's stupid to give up on oneself, so I won't. I will change, and leave this behind me like how they're doing. I confess to be insanely sad, and even more so to see that they don't care in the ways friends should. But soon, I won't be averting my eyes from others when they look at me. I won't have tears welling up when I hear or see those words and things that would remind me of us. Soon.
Haha. Be thankful those were just two paragraphs of emo language. I could come up with more (obviously). Just a swimming pool of sadness.
If you knew me well, do you think you would find me to be an emo person like they did, or would you find me to be an okay person, happy, and rahrah like someone used to put it? Or maybe I'm just a prisoner of my own decisions, the environment, the people have nothing to do with it.
fall for someone who catches you @20:51
If you see this... (you will, won't you?): )
I just want your hugs and smiles. I'm sorry.
fall for someone who catches you @00:51
Sunday, November 29, 2009; Y
"You call that letting [her] go? You can only let someone go when you've even tried your hardest to keep [her] with you. Did you? I did..." -Kang Shin Woo, You're Beautiful finale
True eh :/ well...
Anyhows, ending was a disappointment imho. I only hope that the reason for such a @$#$^&%*& ending is that there are more episodes to come (ie Season 2). Oh well. Post-YB-withdrawal syndrome. Feesheeks tomorrow... boring...
fall for someone who catches you @17:41
Sorry I messed up.
fall for someone who catches you @16:54
Our physics teachers.
Whoa. Only just checked KM... simontan and flim are superhuman physics teachers :D imagine ALL the schools' paper one questions and answers all uploaded. Mega whoa right?! :O
I just woke up. Oops. Messed up body clock... my sister's fault. I slept at... 7am? Maybe...
fall for someone who catches you @15:47
Saturday, November 28, 2009; Y
So I went for
tuition at godforsaken orchard plaza in the end. It was nice and enriching. Stupid sicko ong went and insinuate that my facebook updates were '
emo' and '
chim'
again. I had to subtly hide my face because I was afraid that people could tell (though stupid me,
of course they can't, no one knows me). Tsk, try living in my current conditions luh... But still, tuition was nice (at least sicko ong made it up by asking
if I were really okay - I said
'yes' with a smile of course. I couldn't possibly say no). In fact, it was tons better than I'd expected it to be [:
Maybe it's due to...
Regardless, shall really mug tomorrow and stop mapling. I'm at my final episode of YB already ): Damn sad. I just can't believe it's ending. You know, all good things come to an end. This phrase is seriously no joke. So many good things ended in 2009. So. Many.
But if I'm keeping the faith that it's only going to lead to something better, something more in the future; only then, maybe I can still make it past this period... just maybe.
I like smiles.
fall for someone who catches you @23:50
You're beautiful, you know?
I'm at episode 14 already. WHY are there only sixteen episodes altogether? Why. Ugh. Who cares about IRIS luh (even though TOP's in it). They should just lengthen the You're Beautiful drama despite the competition. People are already looking forward to You're Beautiful Season 2 you know? Not that there's going to be one (or... is there????? :DDDD), but it's nice to have some hope.
Well, I'm actually here to state my disdain for Hwang Tae Kyung........ no, just kidding. He's gorgeous. Like, hawt and gorgeous and beautiful. Seriously. Though I admit that I thought he look gross from some pictures before I watched YB... he just grows on you, you know? [: Despite being the only abnormal ANJell member who CONSTANTLY wears eyeliner. Like, CONSTANT. Tsk tsk. At least he looks smoking hawt in that still ;D But. Oh, I digressed.
HWANG TAE KYUNG! STOP IT ALREADY. Majority wants Shin Woo-Mi Nam couple okay (source: allkpop.com - but I don't remember which article it was already... too many). I know you're the male lead, but the poll says that your Tae Kyung-Mi Nam couple is at second place (now, don't throw a fit darling!). Sighs. Mi Nam-sshi. You're heartless. Anyone (hahahaha, actually, ME!!) would just accept Shin Woo's embrace already. Can't you see that Shin Woo would bleed and die for you? ): (Even though Jeremy would eat vinegar-soaked spaghetti for you too, you lucky girl!! [x )
Sighs. Anyhows, kdramas are just predictable in this sense. The male and female protagonists will always 1) end up together, 2) the girl has cancer/other complications and dies or 3) the guy has cancer/other complications and dies. So you see? ): Shin Woo oppa, I feel for you. You should probably give those tokes of love, ie branded, gorgeous green heels to me [:
Sighs. And so I think I've finished whining about YB... for now. I love love love the show (yes, totally stating the obvious). For one, I love the whole concept! (Albeit dramatic - the existence of the twins thing and boyband involvement thing is just so coincidental la huhh o.o but that's why it's called a drama series eh.)
Sighs again, in contentment.
Oops, I thought this picture of Tae Kyung (guy on right) is the look that I thought was bad in the past.
But awws, he still looks cute here eh? :D The SMILE!
DID YOU SEE THE SMILE??
I totally dig the SMILE.
But my dear, Shin Woo was just behind you ): pabo.
SHIN WOO LOOKS LIKE MICKY (from some angles).
Maybe that's partly why so many people like Shin Woo toooo [:
Ahh... and our Jeremy showing Minam his secret in this scene.Jeremy will make a real funky boyfriend lorh :D
And I think ep 14 will be showing Jeremy crying (!? that bubbly guy!) cuz Minam doesn't like him (back).
)))): JEREMY. IT'S NOT MEANT TO BE )))))))))):
I'm like obsessed.
fall for someone who catches you @01:20
Friday, November 27, 2009; Y
image cr: http://www.pbase.com/staudenmaier/image/87031293
Ningx aptly put it this way, that life for zpin isn't a bed of roses. Why did I make it this way?
Being an insomniac again, pathetic. Reminds me of the movie Cashback when the male lead couldn't sleep for two weeks straight cuz he was going through post-breakup trauma. At least he got to freeze time to spend the extra hours (ironic). I got nothing. Really nothing. Empty.
fall for someone who catches you @05:26
Thursday, November 26, 2009; Y
:D I love zhiqing. You know, I slept with her... as in literally, not the euphemism for having sex kind of sleep. Yeah. Anyways, it was nice :D though she woke up twice and cried for her mum and dad. Tsktskk, dependency is not good, darling [:
Baby talking had been fun! I would say one, and she would count down to three... without starting from the one. Essentially, her only numbers are two and three. hahaha. But she can complete a Barney's number puzzle without a problem at the age of two!! :DD Sooo proud of her. I say she's a genius in the making. And a pretty one at that [x
And oh, I think she likes me :D SHE DOES! She woke up with me this morning and smiled at me... AWWS. Gosh I love her [:
I don't care if I look like an auntie in these pictures.
And qing took the pictures that are upside down okay, not me. I'm too pro for that :D
Bought a CLEO to read to and fro sengkang... still couldn't finish it :/ oh well. It's thick okay. And it's last month issue, I realised :/ soooo outdated la me. But it's Leighton Meester gracing the cover :D
GOSSIP GIRL QUEEN B!
<3
Was thinking of getting myself a DIY pedicure thing. The pastel green and yellow colours are GORGEOUS luh :D But my sis said that during/before exams, shouldn't put on nail colours... dunno why, but I shall just stick to her advice. Plenty of time in between post-As and job anyways.
Oh, and the job thing... decided to just go to the godforsaken novena place already :/ my mum's colleague told her it's a good place to gain experience. SIGHS. The train rides will be horrendous. But... well, I should be counting my blessings already - Singapore is only this huge after all.
Then again, I rather be going to Changi then Novena (and yet they take the same time to reach by train). Did you see yesterday's papers? SIA was the most desired employer by undergrads. As for the public sector, it's STB. STB!!! I want.... ): Maybe I'll get a degree majoring in tourism and in my resume, having worked for a government body like IRAS would give me an easier entrance to STB. HOPEFULLY.
So that is my long-term life plan huh. Now I realise. Should be researching for courses to take at the Us soon :/
Meanwhile, the short-term life plan is to get rid of the flabs asap! THE WEATHER'S GOOD YOU KNOW, and I'm craving for a dip. Yet I'm having menses ): talk about suay. Nothing's going my way.
And I'm going to :D play tennis next week I think. But I dunno, I'll just get all limp after 20 minutes.
I shall finally have my haircut after monday's paper. After all, I predict that I shall have some outing with myself. FINALLY a haircut!
And I think I've to report to the iras building on tuesday, 2pm... was it? Shit luh, I really can't remember the time and the lady's name x___x she called me at 9am... I mean, wth I slept at 4 so how could I be awake enough to listen to her at 9am :X should be glad that I even caught the part about going down to iras on tuesday loll. To sign some stupid papers so that I'll be tied to novena for the rest of eternity my 'holidays'.
MONEY MONEY!
Gosh I meant to post this at... 2pm? Ended up mapling with ningx and all o.o loll. It's 5:10pm now.
fall for someone who catches you @14:02
Wednesday, November 25, 2009; Y
Hmm. Playing maple for my sister. I know, no life right. Don't care. Wait till I find my job.
And I really should not have accepted that novena iras job. Gosh. Wth I'll get so sick of traveling luh. Should find another temp job. Asap.
fall for someone who catches you @17:07
Tuesday, November 24, 2009; Y
From Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem In Memoriam:27, 1850:
I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
Maybe I'm being too skeptical, paranoid. What have I done?
fall for someone who catches you @22:24
JOB OFFER! :O
ZOMG.
A lady from IRAS just called and told me to report to them on 15th Dec. ZOMG. Freaky. Is my luck starting to turn better?
Then an important question arose. Where in this tiny red dot is the IRAS building?
:OOOOO Wth. Ang mo kio.
Like... WHAT?!
Do you think the $6/hr (wages may increase after training period) stable job all the way till maybe June 2010 is worth the five and a half days of traveling from jurong west to @$^$@^%$&@ ANG MO KIO? :/ I dunno... there are still some days left. Maybe I can find another one closer to home :/
I better.
Though the lady on the phone sounded nice...
fall for someone who catches you @18:58
Turn over a new... lollipop.
Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it.
- James Prevert
I was thinking if there was a typo to the above-mentioned name. If yes, then that would be another moment of happiness to relish :D hahaha.
Right, so anyways, since I couldn't go for the class outing (no, I didn't think about how it went), I spent my post second-last-A-levels-paper moments watching... two
You're Beautiful episodes, and unscrambling HTML codes for this new blogskin. Neat eh? I customised the colours myself!
Heh. I'm so freaking proud. See the original template
here.
I'M SO PRO RIGHT! :DDDDD I'm glad that I finally got this done and all :D
Tumblr just didn't feel like home to me :/
All the same. Since there were some unhappy events weeks earlier, I had to really clamp down my blog. After a few days, I went back and read what I wrote... Guilty of being harsh again. Ugh. Why can't I be more civilised, like really.
Now that I've the time, I shall remove it already :/
this shall be the only remaining evidence of my meanness.
Anyways, I've been very frustrated these days. Like getting pulled between wanting to be happy that exams are over and becoming all tears-spewing kind of frustrated. I think I'm just being difficult, and no one wants to try anymore. Which is now fine with me. I think that as long as I numb myself with distractions, I won't sink too deep into the whole depressed thoughts thing. :D
I really need to start work the day after A levels end or something. I'm scared of running out of things to watch (there are only this many You're Beautiful episodes - 16, actually - and this many Family Outing episodes). I'm scared of running out of company because I just keep driving them away only to realise it when it's over, too late. But that's fine. It's just a phase. It better be just another phase.
So if anyone has some job offers and cares enough to tip me off, I will be eternally grateful! [: Cuz my last resort is to go to my mom's office to work... all the aunties and everything X: Quite dreadful to work with my mom leh I imagine. She'd be fussing over me and all... -shudders-
I don't know why 2009 has been so horrendous to me. It's been unspeakably dreadful and tedious. From the start to the end (choy, I mean now). To the point that I don't even want to know how my 31st December 2009 will be like.
I'm feeling very lethargic.
p.s. ignore the previous post; it was just a trial.
fall for someone who catches you @17:14
lollipopppp
ABCD?
fall for someone who catches you @15:46
